No, it wasn't me watching a late-night scary movie. The action was all in my backyard thanks to what sounded like 100 raccoons fighting amongst themselves at 1:00 AM. Seriously, how can they make those blood-curdling screams? And why? Were they so thrilled to find so many things in my garden to trash? Look, pond plants to throw onto the gravel! Bird feeders to raid! Let's open this one with our creepy little hands and scatter the contents! Knock over that birdbath! And that one! Just for good measure break this!
Really, I'm so over raccoons. I grew up reading Thornton W. Burgess and all his lovely tales of the animals in The Green Forest. Bobby Raccoon was naughty enough back in 1950, these guys would be the updated version. Bawby Bad-Az and his Marauding Thugs.
Yeah I know they look cute but have you seen the teeth on those guys? I'd be just as likely to chase a mountain lion out of my yard - which is to say I wouldn't. And especially not at 1 AM. There could be all kinds of creepy stuff out there. If there were fairies in my yard they'd be dead.
I can't think of any good reason for raccoons. Can you? Wait, I just thought of one.